Thursday, August 28, 2014

Sorry, I have a real life IRL.

I've been lagging a bit, sorry

I know I promised an update this week, and so far my real life is not giving me the time to bang out small doses of quality content.

But!  I have a four-day weekend coming up :)

And I promise to make it up to all five of you, my loyal readers, by making multiple posts this weekend.



Sunday, August 24, 2014

Not Another Earthbound review Part Two: Monsters!

 ...and battle!

In any  RPG, JRPG, MMORPG, etc, leveling-up, or 'grinding' is a major part of the gameplay.  Accordingly, monster design, and battle design are important, and are defining features of any RPG.  I mean, where else do you get to use that shiny new armor or awesome new weapon?

And, as we all know, some games seem to be designed around grinding and grinding alone.  One of the many complaints about WoW and games like it, was that grinding was basically the entire game.

In Earthbound, the designers struck a very good balance between the need to level up, and the need to explore and gather quirky items that may or may not be needed later.

The designers also paid quite a bit of attention to the battle screens.  With the recent laws in Colorado and Washington State, the  psychadelic "video drug" backgrounds and music will undoubtedly see a resurgence in popularity.  

I have not taken a crack at the ROM myself, but these battle backgrounds are so legendary that they have spawned screensavers and an android app.  And if you do not want to download anything, theres a javascript toy
to play with. 

Ok, so I promised you some monsters.  The monsters in the game are quite whimsical, and its almost as if the game designers were trying to teach the kids of the 1990's an appreciation of the 1980's remembrance of American 1960's style.

Yeah that sounds funny, but I'm completely serious.  Interspersed with the standard things you would expect to strike fear into a ten year old protagonist such as: spiders, slugs, evil robots, skatepunks, old ladies, snakes that come to life from hiroglyphs, you will encounter and defeat things like, well...

 Mad Ducks, Ramblin Evil Mushrooms, Mad Taxi's, Dali's Clock, A UFO with a bowtie in its... hair?  Abstract art, a guitar... and well, somthing that can only be described as a disembodied colon with Mr. T's head.

Of course, these all go quite nice with the backgrounds, and contribute to the humorous feel of the game, even if you did not bring enough hamburgers to your battle.

We just had an earthquake here in California, so I'm going to end this here, and go check for cracks in my foundation :)

Next week:  Part 3, Friends and Power-ups.

#earthbound #mother2 #nes #snes #wiiu #virtualconsole #games #gaming #reviews #gamereviews #ness

Shout out to "Oppression Quest"!

Just thought I'd give a shout out and congratulations to whomever made  the flash site "Oppression Quest" 

Its not only horribly funny, but manages to sum up the shenanigans and be a guide to the sociapathy at the same time.

Whoever you are, I owe you a beer!

#zoequeef  #/v/  #reddit #depressionquest #shittygames #shittypeople #socialcommentary

Friday, August 22, 2014

Oh God, not another Earthbound review.

Part 1:

So, quite a bit has been written about the North American adaption of the Japanese game 'Mother 2' entitled 'Eathbound'.  

Everything from how it took five years to make, people complaining it had NES graphics on the SNES,  its long time coming to virtual console, only getting there because of rabid fandom,  the fact it actually had writers,  to  Satoru Iwata himself working on the game has been discussed.  But what about the actual gameplay?

Well, I'm going to talk about that, but first let me say that I bought this game and the console it plays on with my own money.  No one sent me a press release to print, and that all the opinions are my own, and presented with no bullshit.

Also, this is not a game guide, this is a review ;)  If you need a game-guide, there are plenty out there, though some of the details may be different on the virtual console.

In a world...

Unlike many RPG's where you start out as a knight, mage, anthromorphic cat, highly androgynous Asian teen, or highly androgynous anthromorphic Asian teen cat... in Earthbound, you start your 8-bit life as a boy named 'NESS'.  Presumably 8-10 bits, er, years of age, who, instead of constantly being whisked off to soccer, little league or ballet in an attempt to take all the fun out being a child...   is actually allowed out of the house to play!

As a matter of fact, your mom will not let you leave the house without a baseball bat, which, oddly, is in your sisters room.  From there you can take your dog with you for the first battle or two, and you get to go out and see what a douchenozzle your neighbor is.

As for your dad, well, like many kids, you never get to see you dad.  You call him from any available payphone when you want more money in your ATM card, or you want to save the game.  Throughout the game, he will constantly bitch about you being 'out there' a long time and telling you not to work too hard, even though ostensibly you never see him because he is working too hard :)

Right from the beginning, all the standard RPG tropes apply, except one.  You will notice as you get past the first couple scenes, and Ness levels up to, level two or three, that you don't actually fight the 'monsters' that are significantly lower level than you are.  You get faked out with the "there's going to be a fight!" sound, but then a box comes up immediately that says: "YOU WON!" followed by the *whew* thats over! sound.  And you still get experience points every time this happens.

Something else noticeable right from the beginning is the small inventory available.  I'm not sure if the designers did this because of hardware memory limitations, or to make the player choose wisely, but it is something to be aware of.  The small inventory system on hand is supplemented by a stuff-bank of sorts, a delivery service run by your little sister of all people.  Your little sisters worldwide logistics team is named: "Escargot Express".  On placing a pay-phone call to Escargot Express, much like an amazon order being delivered by on-trac,  you have about 60% odds of them actually finding you.

The monsters are absolutely hilarious, and the translations sometimes moreso. When what I can only assume is an old drunk attacks, he is called "Annoying Party Man".  And when you defeat him, he does not die, he just "turned back to normal"  ...But that deserves a whole post to itself!

Join us tomorrow for: Part Two, Monsters?

- Aug 22 14 - Wanderbreed

#earthbound #mother2 #nes #snes #wiiu #virtualconsole #games #gaming #reviews #gamereviews #ness

Welcome to No Bullshit Gaming

Greetings Programs, 

Welcome to 'No Bullshit Gaming'. 

A place where gaming will be discussed, in a real and frank manner.  A place where SJW's will be mocked, White Knights fed to random Dragonchans, and anyone name 'Zoe' will be banned.

A place where you will not see payola articles, like on say, Kotaku, IGN, Ars Technica... crap this list would be waaay too long... hopefully you get what we are saying here :)

The opinions here will actually be from the writers.  And though, as human beings our opinions may be swayed with gifts and such, If we think a game is shit?  We will call it shit.

We sincerely hope that this level of honesty and lack of BS does not irreberably harm any precious little snowflakes.

So stay tuned, and in the meanwhile, game on!

- Aug 22 14 - Wanderbreed

Edit: Yes, I really do have the DA members permission for that image. She modified it from the original at my request.

#GamerGate #gaming #videogames  #gamereviews #zoe #zoequeef #quinnspiracy #douchbags #kotaku #sjw #whiteknight  #nobullshit